Hey! Welcome back; I am so glad you decided to drop in again for another installment of my self-care journey. If you’re new here, welcome to this safe space where we’re learning how to navigate love and relationships. It’s that time of the year where we are transitioning into the holiday season, and for some of us, this is also a reminder of how lonely we may be.
When I was a teenager, I loved the holiday season; it was always my chance to cozy up on the couch and watch romantic movies about couples making sweet gestures. I remember imagining getting all dolled up and me and my partner going to holiday parties my friends would host. Now that I am older and my friends have the holiday parties I dreamed they would invite me to in my youth, I notice that I don’t have the plus one that I envisioned I would. This year as I decorated my tree and sat on my couch watching holiday movies alone, there’s this fleeting feeling of longing to have someone special to do those things with. I think it’s partly because I have always held on tight to the idea that the holidays were a time for romance. It’s when social media was filled with engagements, weddings, and baby announcements.
The thing about going on a self-care journey that I wasn’t prepared for was that it’s a full-time job that’s so much more than mani/pedi’s and facials So, even though some of us are doing the work to appreciate the value of being alone, that does not change the desire to be in a relationship or does it? Isn’t the purpose of all this to address unhealed traumas and unhealthy attachment traits within myself so I can desire myself more than I desire that fairytale ending? So, why does the healing I want feel so lonely? Why does the healing I go to weekly therapy for feel like more of a myth than a possible reality? I think the truth is most people are not honest that this journey is challenging. It’s a never-ending cycle of growth because self-love is a continuous act that one must never stop even when they get to their version of a “happy ending” or middle, shall I say.
This year as I attend holiday parties alone or when my relative ask “Where is your partner,” I am reminding myself that it’s ok to be single. Having a partner is not the end all be all because being with someone else is work just as being single is work too. I am consistently reminding myself to be patient with myself—patient in understanding that growth is not linear. Sometimes the journey looks like scrolling through old numbers in my phone and thinking about who I could call on a lonely night, and sometimes it looks like knowing that another person is not going to fill the desolate spaces within me. I try not to shame or overly praise myself in both instances because sometimes, to know better isn’t always to do better.
Check out my latest episode of The View From Here, where I chat with Delia about getting through the holiday season that’s filled with questions like do you have a “plus one” and “where is your partner.”